How Could You Invest More In Your Relationships
The quality of your life is defined by the quality of your relationships.
And yet... we could all invest a little more in some or all of our relationships - making them better, more supporting, more joyful...
So... we ask you today to think for yourself...
How could you invest more in your relationships?
Here's Our Suggestion:
Our ultimate tool to improve ANY relationship - with each other, with our daughter when she still lived at home, with our employees, even with our clients... is the Clearing Process.
Vered describes the Clearing Process in this short video:
Now It's Your Turn
We can’t wait to read your comment and get inspired.
And until then...
This is a very valuable exercise. At this point I can use it for myself as my partner is not very open to it. He easily shuts down when I ask this kind of question.
However, there is a huge thing in our relationship that I don’t like (his way of handling unpretty subjects brought to attention) and the solution at this moment is that I don’t make a big problem out of this and do what I can to bring myself peace and enjoy what DOES work. Which is a lot and I’m thankful…
Thanks Kathrin for your honest and open sharing.
I found out that one of the biggest reasons for relationships to break down is when there are witholds in the relationship, which means things we don’t say or incomplete communication.
If you value your relationship find a way to reach out to your partner and express that it is important for you to have the relationship as honest and open as you both can. You don’t have to use this process in the EXACT way, but maintain the idea and the concept of it.
Thank you Vered. You’re right.
I’ll be in conversation again. It’s only hard to break through the hardwired belief that nothing personal is important (taught so in youth as Jehova’s witnesses) But I do what I can to make it easier for both of us.
Thank you Kathrin for your honest and courageous comment.
It takes a lot of courage to break old patterns that were installed in us at early age.
Acknowledge yourself for it and move forward
to listen to eachother with a non-judgmental unconditional openness, Buddha-like, that’s what works for me and my relationships.
Thanks Anna for your valuable input.
Would love to hear HOW do you get to a space whereby you can listen without judgments?
I can invest more in my relationships by pointing out what people do that is good, make me happy, makes a positive contribution. To be a good-finder in others.
Thanks Elske for your wonderful contribution on this topic.
That is a great way to create space for each other and together! Thank you, Vered. I wil start using this within my business relations.
One of the ways in which my husband and I connect is playing a card game called Hanabi. It’s about cooperation and communication instead of competing and winning.
Thank you Manny for your fantastic input.
We used to do this process at the end of each day with our team in the office, with our volunteers at each event and at the end of every meeting in our office.
It’s an amazing process to be used in teams
I believe we can invest more in any area of our lives in three ways:
1) with our resources
Whether its buying flowers, a box of chocolates, a romantic dinner or booking a holiday to get away together, all of these do contribute to improving a relationship. We exchange money for something we (believe the other does) value and use that to show how much we care, appreciate and value that other person.
2) with our time
You can only spend time once. So since time is more precious than money, any time spent with someone should be considered as an investment of that relationship. The only small print many of us tend to forget is that it’s not specifically the time itself, but the quality of how that time is used that counts. You could watch a movie together in the cinema or share a sunset at the beach. Guess which one is usually perceived as a better investment? Yes, the sunset. Why? Because it’s not only the quantity of the time that matters, but the quality with which the time is spent.
3) With our focus and attention
Let’s continue on the previous example. When you watch a movie in the cinema together, where does your focus and attention go for those couple of hours? Right the screen in front of you. Now imagine you’re on a beach, seeing the sunset. Where is your attention now? Right the sunset. So what’s the difference? Well, for starters, a sunset doesn’t talk words or presents you flashing images. So when sharing a sunset, your mind calms down faster, which allows your focus to increase even more. Imagine you would shift your focus from that sunset to the person next to you. No distractions, only the waves in the background, the breeze of the sea and the scenic sun setting behind the horizon. When you put your focussed attention on someone without distractions, and being fully present in the moment, I believe you’ll invest more in your relationship than any gift will ever do.
We live in a world where we believe that information is the key to success and happiness. We get notifications on our computers, phones, tablets and watches ever single minute. All for the benefit of having the latest information. What information consumes is attention. A wealth of information means a poverty of attention.
Investing in any kind of relationship is easy if we do it consistently and hard if we do it occasionally. The fast and easy way is to buy someone a present. The shelf-life of that present is usually very short. When we spend time with someone, the appreciation of sharing that moment usually outweighs the gift in the long run. But when we spend quality and focussed time, where there are no distractions, nothing can compare.
Creating a ritual where you spend quality and focussed time on each other on a daily or weekly basis will definitely bring you a great ROI on your investment.
Dearest Robert, thank you so much for this incredible wise words and contribution.
Thank you Vered en Nisandeh for this wonderful tool.
I would love to do this with my son. He just turned 16 and is rejecting everything I suggest at the moment.
Would you have a suggestion how I can approach him to use this tool so our relationship can benefit?
Great question Ellen, thank you for this input.
Teenagers are difficult when it comes to these issues, if they don’t want to do it.
My suggestion is to start by expressing to him that you would like to improve the relationship with him & would like to hear from him whether he would like that too.
If he says NO, just ask him if the relationship is satisfying for him and if there is something YOU could do to make it better.
If he says YES, then ask him what can YOU do to improve the relationship & LISTEN to him. Then you can suggest trying out this process & ASK him if he’s willing to give it a try.
The main thing with teenagers is to ASK for THEIR opinion & LISTEN to them.
Hope this is helpful to you
Thank you Vered. I’ll give it a chance.
Thanks Vered and Nisandeh for sharing this tool!
I have put my health and my relationship with my wife and kids above my business.
So I actually took the time to read this article and watch your video.
I’m I will share it with my wife. Our ritual is to pray together before going to sleep; and I am sure this tool will bring more depth into our relationship.
Thanks Hugo for this inspiring input. I’m sure it would bring a lot for your relationship.
I found out that any activity that we do with our partner with awareness and consciousness brings us closer and together.
Thanks for this valuable addition
At this moment right now the best way to invest in my relationship with others is to invest in my self. To be more relaxed and get more energy. So I create space for others and a nicer person for others and myself.
So I have holidays near the beach the next week to start this process and It works already I had great laughing days with my sister. ❤️
Thanks Japke for your additional input on this topic.
Enjoy your time with your sister.
Three more questions to focus on… thank you.
Great contribution Jur. Thanks for it.
I’m in a LAT-relation and usually only see my partner twice a week for a few hours, so initially my thoughts were that this wouldn’t work for me.
But then I realized we talk on the phone almost every day before going to bed and this would actually be a very good way to talk about our day.
Even if we didn’t spend time together that day I imagine it will bring our lives more together and give us more insight in the things we value.
Thank you Vered.
Great insight Arjen.
Nisandeh and me had periods in life where we would be in different continents, but still made sure to end the day with the clearing even by phone.
If we couldn’t do it by phone we would send it as a text message or even email…
It’s great doing it in whatever format,though face-to-face is always the best.
I do this with my kids. And then we add one more question (or actually two):
1. why was I today the best mommy/ boy in the world?
you first have to answer it about the other, and then about yourself.
Thanks Gerdy for your valuable contribution.
It’s great doing it with kids. it certainly makes a huge difference when treating them as equals.
Great advice Vered, thanks!
Would add; with starting the day, ask 3 questions:
1)what has to happen today to make it a fantastic one?
2)how are you yourself going to contribute in order to make it a great day?
3)what can I do to help you achieve this great day?
Thanks Eduard for your great contribution.
I love this addition of starting the day with this focus. Thanks for it.